


Study Butts

by Volo



Series: An Indefinable Amount of Shades of Grey and Red (A collection of all of my Davekat fics) [13]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Library, Humanstuck, M/M, this was shit to format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 02:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8310769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Volo/pseuds/Volo
Summary: A young man sits in a library. It just so happens that today is the day before a test the young man is going to fail. Though it was 20 years ago he was given life, it is only today he will become the central focus of a horrible romcom-esque story for your reading pleasure.    Enter story.





	1. Enter Story

You have entered the story. You look around, lost in the maze of non-existent options you appear to have.

Would you like me to suggest something for your next action in this barely interactive story? You could try naming the young man.

 

**Name young man Poopshit Dumbo.**


	2. Name young man Poopshit Dumbo.

Psyche.

You cannot name the young man. He already has a name. Even if he didn't, he certainly would not have accepted that name. And it appears as though in this story characters can choose names themselves, even if they are not aware of any fourth walls or other parts of the abstract behavioral medium in which they dwell.

You can, however, decide to be this young man.

 

**Kick off the story already. Be the young man.  
**


	3. Kick off the story already. Be the young man.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you LOVE LIBRARIES with all your heart and BLOOD.

The PEACE and QUIET they emanate help you STUDY and MAKE YOU FEEL RELAXED, which, as anybody who’s ever interacted with you can prove, you need desperately. It would be a GODDAMN SHAME if somebody DECIDED TO DESTROY THAT PEACE AND QUIET. You would be forced to feel VERY PISSED OFF.

 

**Karkat: Soak in the peace and quiet.  
**


	4. Karkat: Soak in the peace and quiet.

You soak in the peace and quiet as you study for your programming test. Of course everybody who’s ever said that you are not good with computers is an amoral liar, but you are still in dire need of a lot of study time.

 

**Karkat: Stop being boring.**


	5. Karkat: Stop being boring.

You refuse. You need to study. And there is nothing boring about making sure you go far in life, as is your calling.

 

**Circumstances: Stop being boring.  
**


	6. Circumstances: Stop being boring.

A young man slumps into the chair opposite to yours.

You flinch and look up.

 

**Young man: Disturb peace and quiet.**


	7. Young man: Disturb peace and quiet.

DAVE: yo   
DAVE: so im dave and this is the only free chair and also you just had such a friendly air about you glaring at the book like you want to burn it   
DAVE: so what do you say   
DAVE: me and you   
DAVE: study buddies in crime   
DAVE: studying down this table like it aint ever seen before brain cells flying left and right

 

**Karkat: Be friendly.**


	8. Karkat: Be friendly.

KARKAT: WOW, YOU JUST STARTLED ME LIKE A TOTAL DICK, BUT I AM A REASONABLE PERSON AND CARE ABOUT YOUR EDUCATION. SO IF YOU HAVE TO, SIT THERE.   
KARKAT: JUST DON’T FUCKING DISTURB ME.   
KARKAT: I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW AND I HAVE TO GET THROUGH THIS 314 PAGE BOOK.   
KARKAT: AND IT IS NOT BEING PARTICULARLY AGREEABLE.   
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS AN ALGORITHM ANYWAY.   
KARKAT: DON’T ANSWER THAT. JUST BE QUIET.   
DAVE: well i guess the books not the only one whos not agreeable today

 

**Karkat: Be less friendly.**


	9. Karkat: Be less friendly.

KARKAT: W. O. W.  
KARKAT: I MERELY WANTED ONE THING FROM YOU, BUT YOU DECIDED TO NOT GIVE ME THAT ONE THING.  
KARKAT: AND AFTER I SO NICELY LET YOU DISTURB MY PEACE AND QUIET.  
DAVE: why are you yelling were in a library bro  
KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  
DAVE: youre way overreacting i didnt sneak in here slap your ass and steal your fucking jewelry off your innocent neck like the villain in a b grade movie  
KARKAT: AT THIS POINT I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF YOU DID.  
KARKAT: YOU PROBABLY BORROW BOOKS WITHOUT RETURNING THEM TOO.  
DAVE: i would never commit such a crime against mankind wow why dont you accuse me of a war atrocity while youre at it  
KARKAT: DON’T EVEN. I KNOW YOU ARE BEING IRONIC, BUT YOU ARE ALSO BEING A GIANT FUCKING DOUCHE.  
KARKAT: IN FACT, YOUR SIT-HERE PRIVILEGES ARE OFFICIALLY REVOKED.

 

**Karkat: Look around.**


	10. Karkat: Look around.

KARKAT: WOW, THERE ARE OTHER FREE CHAIRS.   
KARKAT: YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME TOO, WHAT A SURPRISE.   
DAVE: so i didnt want to sit alone are you gonna sue me   
DAVE: or are you just going to keep on pretending i strangled your child to death   
DAVE: im the douche here huh   
KARKAT: YOU ARE, IN FACT. IF YOU WEREN’T, YOU WOULDN’T KEEP ON TELLING ME HOW UNREASONABLE I’M BEING FOR NO REASON AT ALL AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE DISTURBED ME AT ALL WHILE I WAS UNDER DIRE TIME PRESSURE.   
KARKAT: AND STILL FUCKING AM.

 

**Karkat: Be reproached.**


	11. Karkat: Be reproached.

Ms. Paint, the woman who works at the library, shoots you a look. It is a look full of sadness that there are people who yell and swear in libraries these days. A look that says she has been disappointed one too many times by youth these days. You cannot cope with that kind of look.

 

 

**Karkat: Strategically abscond.**


	12. Karkat: Strategically abscond.

KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT, NEVER FUCKING MIND. YOU CAN SIT THERE.   
DAVE: hey what happened did my godly body change your mind   
KARKAT: I AM GOING TO GO AND GET COFFEE.   
KARKAT: AND THEN SIT SOMEWHERE ELSE.   
DAVE: i take a vanilla latte with no milk and no vanilla   
KARKAT: I HONESTLY DO NOT CARE.

 

**Karkat: Get coffee.**


	13. Karkat: Get coffee.

You go and get coffee. Black, like your future if you fail all of your tests.

 

**Karkat: Mental breakdown.**


	14. Karkat: Mental breakdown.

You yell at the barista when he tells you to have a nice day. Punch a table. Call Sollux to rant about Java for 62 minutes while he just laughs in your ear. Flip off a dog that sniffs at you. Decide to make your money working the pole. Reconsider. Drink the entire coffee and just order five new ones.

 

**Karkat: Return to the romance plot already.**


	15. Karkat: Return to the romance plot already.

You come back to the library, ready to not waste any more time. Can you feel the productivity tonight?

You look around. Man, it’s gotten really crowded in here, ha ha. Ha.

 

**Karkat: See only free chair.**


	16. Karkat: See only free chair.

You see the chair.

You approach Dave like you would a poisonous snake.

KARKAT: HELLO.  
DAVE: so glad nobody has poured water over you yet  
KARKAT: WHAT.  
DAVE: wizard of oz  
KARKAT: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A WITCH?  
DAVE: youre a wizard harry  
KARKAT: RIGHT.  
KARKAT: WELL,  
KARKAT: I NEED YOU TO GET YOUR FEET OFF THIS CHAIR.  
KARKAT: OTHERWISE I WILL NEVER FIND A JOB, SO I’M SURE YOU CAN SEE A GOOD REASON TO JUST COMPLY HERE.  
DAVE: here i was  
DAVE: just minding my own business in peace and quiet  
DAVE: when out of nowhere this guy comes up to me and starts to yell like he doesnt have an inside voice  
DAVE: utterly destroying my thread of thought  
KARKAT: I YELL BECAUSE I’M PARTIALLY DEAF.  
KARKAT: AND BECAUSE EVERYBODY’S FUCKING STUPID AND DOESN’T EVEN GET THINGS WHEN YOU WRITE THEM OUT FUCKING FOUR HUNDRED TIMES.  
KARKAT: BUT FINE. MAYBE I OVERREACTED BECAUSE I WAS STRESSED.  
KARKAT: MUCH LIKE I STILL AM, SO PLEASE DON’T MAKE THIS MORE COMPLICATED THAN IT HAS TO BE.  
KARKAT: BE FUCKING MORALLY UPSTANDING HERE, EVEN IF I WASN’T?  
KARKAT: I WAS A DICK, OKAY?  
DAVE: you look like a goddamn wreck the titanic aint shit against this  
DAVE: just sit down for fucks sake  
KARKAT: WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT TOO.  
KARKAT: SORRY, I’M JUST REALLY FUCKING STRESSED RIGHT NOW.  
KARKAT: YOU LOOK

 

**Karkat: Notice his looks.**


	17. Karkat: Notice his looks.

Mirror shades indoors, a red hoodie, a necklace with a broken record symbol, a fucking plaid scarf. The type of guy who’d thank you if you called him hipster.

Unfortunately also really attractive. But that is completely besides any important matter now.

You just need to finish the sentence somehow.

 

**Karkat: Finish.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Finish". If you know what I mean.


	18. Karkat: Finish.

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE SUNGLASSES.   
DAVE: they go on your face right   
KARKAT: OUTSIDE. IN THE SUN. YOU USE THEM TO SHIELD YOURSELF FROM LIGHT.   
DAVE: damn like im a knight and theyre my shield   
DAVE: valiantly fighting any cruel cruel ray of light that touches our path   
KARKAT: YES, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.   
KARKAT: I NEED TO STUDY NOW. SO. UH, LET’S BE QUIET NOW PLEASE?   
DAVE: quiet as a mouse   
DAVE: even quieter than that   
DAVE: no sound will come from these pursed lips   
KARKAT: DAVE. PLEASE.   
DAVE: right

 

**Karkat: Study.**


	19. Karkat: Study.

You study. You flip pages like a fucking pro, internalize how to make godforsaken cross-platform software, write lines upon lines upon lines upon lines of barely functioning code, start naming programs shit like “PLEASEJUSTLETMEDIE”, pester Sollux with hundreds of questions, compose angry letters to the authors of your books in your head, understand deep in your heart why the Java logo looks like that, sigh a lot, google the book you’re reading to find out if all chapters are really relevant, vow to travel back in time and kill whoever invented computers, look up stupid shit you should already know at this point, take off your watch cause it only stresses you out more, eat an entire bag of chips, somehow create ten bugs for every one you fix, and stare at your computer in complete lack of understanding for probably years.

 

**Karkat: Smash your PC.**


	20. Karkat: Smash your PC.

You cannot smash your PC, it cost too much money.

But at least you’re done with the book. The wish to smash your PC subsides a bit.

You slump down on your desk and moan.

DAVE: something good happen?  
DAVE: you finally fix that bug youve been muttering about?  
KARKAT: WHAT COULD HAVE POSSIBLY GIVEN YOU THE IDEA THAT ANYTHING GOOD WOULD EVER HAPPEN ON THIS EARTH?  
DAVE: you just sounded like you came  
KARKAT: FOR FUCK’S SAKE.  
KARKAT: THAT WAS ME CURSING HUMANITY.  
KARKAT: NOTHING GOOD AT ALL AND CERTAINLY NO FEELINGS THAT EVEN REMOTELY GO INTO THE DIRECTION OF SOMETHING SLIGHTLY POSITIVE.  
DAVE: damn  
DAVE: shall i relieve you of some of that tension  
KARKAT: KILL MY PROFESSOR PLEASE.  
DAVE: not what i expected  
DAVE: but im always open to ideas  
DAVE: whats his name  
DAVE: wait whats your name  
KARKAT: HE WHO IS ETERNALLY CURSED.  
KARKAT: ALSO KARKAT FOR SHORT SOMETIMES.  
DAVE: karkat  
DAVE: well thats one hell of a complicated name  
DAVE: ill just call you danny  
KARKAT: WHAT.  
DAVE: just kidding  
DAVE: obviously  
DAVE: ill call you  
DAVE: kat  
DAVE: kitty  
KARKAT: WOW, THAT IS REALLY ORIGINAL. NOBODY HAS EVER MADE ANY KIND OF JOKE LIKE THAT. THE CREATIVITY IS JUST POURING OVER.  
KARKAT: DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT EVER AGAIN.  
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS, FOR SATAN’S SAKE.  
DAVE: hey give me a break were at better terms than in the beginning at least  
DAVE: so i cant be so bad  
DAVE: admit it youve fallen for my strider charms all heart eyes and fast beating bloodpusher  
KARKAT: BLOODPUSHER.  
DAVE: i couldnt use heart twice  
DAVE: everything i say is a work of art  
DAVE: hey that reminds me  
DAVE: i have a webcomic  
DAVE: check it out

 

**Karkat: Behold in horror.**


	21. Karkat: Behold in horror.

Dave fumbles on his phone and shows you almost exactly what you’d expected at this point.

You stare at the phone in complete lack of comprehension.

KARKAT: I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS, BRO.  
KARKAT: WHAT EVEN.  
KARKAT: WHEN DID THIS WARNING OCCUR?  
KARKAT: THIS IS WORSE THAN MY CODE.  
KARKAT: THERE IS MERCHANDISE FOR THIS?  
DAVE: people buy it too  
KARKAT: HOW MUCH?  
KARKAT: HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU MAKE FROM THIS?  
DAVE: i dont think your fragile psyche could handle that number right now  
DAVE: after almost an entire day of studying  
KARKAT: FUCK, WHAT TIME IS IT ANYWAY?  
KARKAT: OH GOD.  
KARKAT: I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR THIRTEEN HOURS.  
KARKAT: IF YOU SUDDENLY DECIDED TO SHOOT ME, IT WOULD BE A MERCY KILL AT THIS POINT.  
DAVE: dude ive been here for a godless eternity too i totally feel you

 

**Karkat: Be touched.**


	22. Karkat: Be touched.

Dave puts his hand on yours.

DAVE: literally  
KARKAT: AHA.  
KARKAT: HA.  
KARKAT: WELL, THAT WAS A REALLY OBNOXIOUS JOKE.  
DAVE: dont you know that those are the best

Dave pulls back his hand.

 

**Karkat: Whine.**


	23. Karkat: Whine.

KARKAT: IN THAT CASE, THEY HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH MY CODE.  
DAVE: dude it cant be that bad  
DAVE: youre just too stressed  
KARKAT: I’D SHOW YOU, BUT IT’S TOO EMBARRASSING. NOBODY CAN EVER SEE.  
DAVE: i know nothing about programming anyway show me a computer and ill accidentally set it on fire with my ice cold dopeness   
DAVE: but you should listen to some of my music  
DAVE: then youll know the true meaning of embarrassing for gods sake  
DAVE: we should hide this shit somewhere where only sharks can reach it  
DAVE: are sharks deaf  
DAVE: ive never seen their ears  
KARKAT: YOU’VE BEEN MAKING MUSIC THIS WHOLE TIME?  
DAVE: some of the time  
DAVE: its for a class  
KARKAT: SHOW ME.  
KARKAT: IF YOU WANT TO.  
KARKAT: I NEED A BREAK.  
KARKAT: VERY, VERY DESPERATELY NEED A BREAK.

 

**Karkat: Behold in awe.**


	24. Karkat: Behold in awe.

Dave holds out his headphones and you put them on.

The song he plays for you starts off slow, builds until you can feel the anticipation in your stomach, then Dave’s voice says “descend” and the beat drops.

KARKAT: OKAY, THIS ISN’T SO BAD.  
DAVE: can you even hear this with your deaf thing  
KARKAT: I CAN STILL HEAR THINGS. JUST NOT VERY WELL.  
KARKAT: AND I DON’T SEE WHY YOU’D BE EMBARRASSED.  
KARKAT: OR ARE YOU EMBARRASSED BECAUSE IT’S NOT IRONICALLY SHITTY.  
DAVE: thats always looming over everything i do too  
KARKAT: AT LEAST IT’S NOT LIKE YOUR SONG DOESN’T EVEN PLAY BECAUSE OF A BUG, UNLIKE MY CODE. OR UNLIKE MY CODE USED TO. I FIXED IT AND IT SOMEWHAT WORKS AS INTENDED AND I THINK I EVEN GET WHAT THIS BOOK IS TELLING ME, BUT  
KARKAT: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M DOING ANYMORE. AT THIS POINT I CAN’T TELL HTML FROM C++.  
DAVE: you just need a break fuck school and all that  
DAVE: and to eat something

 

**Karkat: Do it.**


	25. Karkat: Do it.

KARKAT: YEAH, WE SHOULD GO EAT SOMETHING.  
KARKAT: YOU SHOULD COME WITH ME.  
KARKAT: YOU’VE BEEN SITTING HERE WORKING FOR AN ASSLOAD OF HOURS TOO.  
DAVE: damn just a few hours ago you were yelling at me and now youre asking me out?  
KARKAT: NO.  
KARKAT: I WASN’T ASKING YOU OUT. IT WAS INTENDED IN A FRIENDLY WAY.  
KARKAT: I CAN BE FRIENDLY.  
DAVE: aw shit  
DAVE: you do know i only came up to you in the first place to flirt yeah?  
DAVE: didnt really work out  
DAVE: though i guess it more or less did  
DAVE: only not entirely because now were apparently on friendly terms and nothing more  
DAVE: which isnt bad really just not exactly the original plan  
DAVE: then i again abandoned that plan  
DAVE: but then decided to maybe get back to that plan because youre kind of cute but you dont really seem to be into it so what now  
KARKAT: AH.  
KARKAT: THAT’S HOW WE’RE PLAYING IT NOW? JUST PUT ALL OF OUR CARDS ON THE GODDAMNED TABLE.  
KARKAT: SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A FUCKING ASSWIPE BACK THEN. I WAS A BIT PREOCCUPIED WITH MY DRAMA.  
KARKAT: CONSIDERED YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED, BUT DECIDED IT DIDN’T REALLY MATTER.  
DAVE: well thanks  
KARKAT: NO, I’VE REEVALUATED THE IMPORTANCE OF YOU POTENTIALLY BEING INTO ME.  
DAVE: where does it rank now  
KARKAT: RIGHT THIS MOMENT?  
KARKAT: PRETTY HIGH.  
KARKAT: TRUTH BE TOLD.  
KARKAT: THE OFFER WASN’T REALLY MEANT IN A FRIENDLY WAY. I JUST GOT DEFENSIVE.

 

**Karkat: Do it properly this time.**


	26. Karkat: Do it properly this time.

KARKAT: SO, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT AND EAT SOMETHING? AND I MEAN THIS IN THE LEAST FRIENDLY WAY POSSIBLE.  
DAVE: hell yeah fuck friendliness  
KARKAT: THAT’S BASICALLY MY LIFE MOTTO.

 

**Karkat: Leave the library victorious.**


	27. Karkat: Leave the library victorious.

You leave the library, home of your story if one enjoys ham-handed metaphors, with Dave.


End file.
